you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
