honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
