The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
