She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
