I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
