It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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