What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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