Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
