You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
