Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
