i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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