I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
