the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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