I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
