i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
