he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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