He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
