You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
