it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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