Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
