Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
