i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
