Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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