I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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