I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
