I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
