dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
