i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Couch. On fire.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
