How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
