It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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