All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
