I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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