if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
