I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
