Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how does that bad decision feel?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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