so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
