I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dignity is for republicans.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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