i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
