Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
