Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
