Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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