so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
