After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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