Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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