so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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