so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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