i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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