i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
