Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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