Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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