I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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