I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
