If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
