dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
