It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
